BREAKING: Captain America’s Name to Be Changed to ‘Captain Global’ to Be More ‘Inclusive’ of the International Community

In response to DC Comics’ decision to alter Superman’s slogan, Marvel Comics has decided to make some significant changes to one of their most iconic characters. The company recently announced it was changing the name of Captain America to “Captain Global,” in an effort to be more inclusive of the international community.

“The name ‘Captain Planet’ was already taken, so this is the best we could come up with,” according to a member of Marvel’s creative team.

Instead of being a patriotic representative of the United States of America, Steve Rogers will now be a citizen of the world, according to Marvel executives. “We think by having Steve Rogers represent the entire world instead of just America, we will do our part to promote global unity,” a Marvel executive said.

Marvel will make several tweaks to the Steve Rogers character to reflect a more universally acceptable character. For example, the Captain’s signature shield will no longer be emblazoned with the American flag, but will now sport an image of the globe.

The company did express some reservations about stripping Rogers of his American identity. Another company executive acknowledged that this move might cause some controversy.

“The fact that Rogers is still a straight white male might still be problematic,” he said. He continued:

“We recognize that continuing with a blond-haired, blue-eyed character who is sexually attracted to women is a risk. But we are discussing the possibility of having Rogers explore his sexuality. I mean, does his relationship with Bucky Barnes have to be purely platonic?”

Marvel’s leadership made no attempt to conceal the fact that they are trying to out-woke DC Comics, which upped the ante by not only stripping Kal-El of his national identity but also making his son bisexual. However, the company that created Captain Global remains undeterred. “We’re going to go so woke that we will make DC Comics look like a chapter of the Proud Boys,” the executive said.

But this isn’t all. Marvel also announced the creation of a new villain to challenge Captain Global. To cement this new globalist trend in its comics, the company has decided that their newest bad guy will be named: “Captain America First.”

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